I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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