I'm gonna have a badass scar
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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