Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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