My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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