k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you would pick up someone in the library
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
