he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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