My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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