Cold hands, warm shart.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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