im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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