i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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