u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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