everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
