Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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