I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
People in love make me want to vomit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
