If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize