Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
