Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
