I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
