i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
