Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
