I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
