I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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