I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize