It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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