thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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