I don't think brook has ever known best
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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