I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ttyl tear gas
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
