just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry about my life...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
