well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
