Cold hands, warm shart.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
