i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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