omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
