It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
