I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
