I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
