we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
