Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
