direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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