i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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