Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
