did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
