I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize