it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize