We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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