There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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