i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
