You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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