I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize