Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
