I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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