discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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