Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
