...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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