your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize