a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
