we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
