I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
