first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
