moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize