Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
