Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
