Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize