Is it because I queefed?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
