Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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