If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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