Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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