we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
