I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
