No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Barsexuality is the new black.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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