I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
