thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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