Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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