Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
